Thursday, May 13, 2010


Yesterday one of my girls flew past me and dropped something on the counter. "Here's the glove, mom!" she yelled, not skipping a beat and racing out the back door. I was in the middle of cooking dinner and looked over. Then I had to sigh. This was the same glove she had asked me to get for her yesterday. It was a winter glove already packed away in the basement for the season. She wanted to use it to dig in the dirt. I had told her then that she would have to put it up after she used it. Rather than just put the glove back where it belonged, "Here's the glove, Mom," apparently was her way of trying to get me to do it for her. I poked my head out the door (and for what seemed like an eternity) nagged and eventually threatened discipline on her until she finally put it away.  Yes it seems like an awfully big deal over a little glove. It would have been SO much easier just to take care of it myself, but it was the principle of the matter.  I thought to myself, "What do I need to do to empower my children to take care of their things, to be proactive and think ahead about things. Then I had a revelation.

How much am I (and many people) like that? How often do we not just want to pray and all of our messes, chores, and problems just be cleaned up for us.

That day I had been to the doctor and had a bone density test done. The doctor said I have the bone density of someone in their 50's and a condition called ostepenia which is a precursor to osteoporosis. My hip is the worst area. She said I'd be heading for a hip fracture if I didn't do something soon and she put me on Boniva. Apparently the chemo can really deteriorate your bone quickly. And I have a weakness for diet cokes and my small bone structure just made it all worse. So here I go again, feeling guilty just like I did when I first got diagnosed. It's my fault. I've drunk too much diet coke.  Never mind the things I did right like work out all through my cancer treatment.  I just saw a nutritionist recently who told me I was eating too much dairy.  None of that matters. It's just how it is. I just wanted to throw up my hands and say "Haven't I taken enough pills for a woman not yet 40? Lord knows between the two of us Randy and I have seen 5 doctors just this week. I honestly wanted to pray for the Lord to just magically take it away because I am tired of dealing with all these little problems. I wanted to ask, "Is there some lesson here that I am just not getting? Is there something I should know? What am I doing wrong, Lord? Why won't all these little problems just GO AWAY??!!'

And these are little problems I know. Then you feel guilty for being frustrated by the little problems. As if that will help. NOT. The good news is that the bone loss is reversible. I just need to do something about it. I need to get empowered. So while I am working to get my kids empowered, I am working to get myself empowered too.  That's the lesson here. That's the revelation. And how lucky am I to have the chance to do something about it. So the diet coke is being banished from the house. I have to take a pill once a month. The number of workouts per week will have to increase even more.  Yet another learning and growing experience in more ways than one. I am SUCH a work in progress, but I know that means He has good plans for me. Lots of love,



  1. I went from osteopenia to osteoporosis, also. But I'm in my 60s so that's almost "to be expected". I'm taking Actonel once a month. Also Vit. D-3 to enhance the calcium intake.

    Life is just one step at a time. Keep steppin'!

  2. Hi Kerry!

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was diagnosed with osteopenia, too, shortly after I finished my chemo. It stinks. Like you, I am also taking Boniva once a month. No big deal. And calcium with vitamin D is a must. Too many dairy products? They contain calcium, so I would think that would be beneficial for you?

    Anyway, hang in there, as we drink milk, lift weights, and do all those things that make us healthier! Just think how gorgeous we'll look in a few months! :)

  3. Kerry, I take Evista every day. I have taken percription Vitamin D. Of course, there is the calcium and nonpercription Vitamin D. I had osteoporosis before I even knew I had bone loss. You know how much I love diet cokes. Benny gave them up months before I did. I think he was trying to help me. When I know you guys are coming I fill the frig. No more. Please help me to help you. In the process, you will help me to grow older more gracefully. Oh, I still drink one occasionally, but I have rediscovered iced tea, lemonade and just plain good water. You inspire me by your writings to step up the exercise routine as my doctor has advised. It does work. I have increased bone in my back. We love you.

  4. Hi Kerry
    I was diagnosed with ILC last July and just had phase I of reconstrution (DIEP). I go for phase 2 on June 3rd. I did a search on "God is bigger than cancer" and your page popped up. It is helpful to connect with other Christians who have had breast cancer. My daughter is 7 and my son is almost 4. I take Zometa to strengthen my bones. I know what you mean by wanting to just pray and have all the bad stuff go away.
    Love in Christ,

  5. Kerry,

    I am thankful for all you are doing to take care of yourself. I am thankful you went to the nutritionist and are eating well. I am glad you had a bone density test and am on medication to reverse the bone loss caused by the chemo. You have been through so very much to be here and to be healthy. There is no reason to be critical of yourself.
    No one eats a perfect diet and no one knows what causes cancer. I wish we did so we could prevent it; but the truth is at times there is no logic to it.
    I am so sorry for the side effects of your treatment, Kerry, I am so very, very sorry. I wish it would all go away and not be a reminder of what you have been through.
    You have every reason to feel good about yourself and what you have done. You are exercising, eating right, and being proactive with your health. I am so proud of you!
    We are all so glad you are here.
    Take care of yourself.

    Remember how much we all love you.


  6. Kerry - I'll be praying for you. YOu are not the only one who wishes for ease in life. Our God guides us in it all, doesn't he? Makes us long for heaven!

  7. Hi Kerry,
    Reading your blog as truly been an inspiration to me... I am also in this battle against bc , and I also agree that God is bigger than cancer and that He is the the Lord our God our healer..... and I just want to also thanks for your music I found some inspiration to fill my mouth with praises unto God for all that he has done.. He is working so mighty thru you, and I'm so glad that I was able to read your blog... continue to shine your light....... because i"m right behind you..going to everyone to let them know that there"s hope for tomorrow..... That God Is bigger!!!!! and that He in complete control....

  8. Chemo is definately hard on your body. No doubt about it. Keep the postivie attitude. It will take you far.

  9. Kerry, You have been a great inspiration too me. Your blog has helped me as has your phone calls and your visit. Thanks! God has been great and always has away of making everything great. My life has changed since I found out I have Breast Cancer. The best part is making great friends like you. I hope to continue to make new friends and keep them very close. Thanks for being such a friend and inspiration.

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