Friday, February 19, 2010

Time Marches On


In the last two weeks we have experienced two funerals and a death on each side of the family. They are just another reminder of how precious life is. Time is truly marching on. I used to take it for granted, but I don't anymore. Breast cancer has made me feel old, but I am trying to combat that feeling by eating better, exercising and following through with my weekly reconstruction expander "fill ups."

Through it all Laura and Leslie continue to be real troopers. They have decided the apple cider at the plastic surgeon's office is the best anywhere and don't seem phased by all the needles and injections. The last time one of them complained about a boo boo (that could not been seen with even a microscope) I pointed out the scar crossing half my back. It not only stopped the whining, but they were also quite impressed. I do believe they think I'm as tough as Rambo. I've had some qualms about showing them these things. I have found though that there are alot of life lessons that can be learned from it and that my girls, for their age, are far stronger than I could ever be.

Just this week I have connected with three more breast cancer patients, one of them I believe was a Godincidence.

The middle of last week I decided that my hair has grown out long enough to have a haircut. In the midst of all the sadness we've been dealing with I decided to call the girl who had cut my hair for some 20 years and schedule an appointment. The last time I had seen her was late last January when she had given me a short haircut in anticipation of my first chemo treatment. Well imagine my surprise when she called back and said she had gotten home that evening from a lumpectomy. She too has breast cancer. Of all days to call, that was the day I called. She is doing great, but once again I have experienced a coincidence that I don't believe was a coincidence.

Next weekend my sister Shannon, my niece, and I are headed to Atlanta for a breast cancer conference of young survivors. I have been looking forward to it for a couple months now. Please pray that I can make the most of the opportunity and get lots of great information to pass along to others. Thanks for continuing to cheer me on. Lots of love,


Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Black Cloud


I always try to focus on the bright side of life, but I would be lying if I said the last few weeks have been easy. Oddly enough the surgery which I mentioned in the last post was really a very minor thing. I have been sore, but that was expected and I was able to resume normal activities within a week or two.

What's been hard is the illness and the loss we have experienced so much recently. My uncle suddenly died a week and a half ago.  My whole side of the family went up to Johnson City last weekend for the funeral services. Recently there have been a couple accidents in the family and both of Randy's grandmothers have been seriously ill. One is having pacemaker surgery on Monday and the other is now gravely ill. Sometimes it seems like too much to bear. It feels like there is a black cloud that has descended over us all in the past year, a plague of sorts that just won't go away.

We know these loved ones are saved, but the loss and illnesses are still so very hard.

About a month ago our pastor preached on heaven. He talked about some pretty radical ideas...that heaven might be on a renewed earth and not a spirtual realm...that we might have physical (though new & perfected) bodies....that we might use some of the technology, hobbies and skills we so enjoyed on earth. This was not your stereotypical description of heaven with everyone wearing white robes and strumming harps. Our pastor referenced a book called Heaven by Randy Alcorn. We began reading it about three weeks ago. Randy and I have talked about how that was another Godincidence.

I so long to encourage my children and family members through all of this, but the truth of it is that I am, so very tired. On top of it all, the back of my neck has been hurting. It is probably just stress-induced, but it has brought those old fears of reoccurance to the forefront again.

I know my uncle is in a better place. I know Randy's Mamaws are being showered in prayer and in God's hands.  We are in so many ways so truly blessed. I just really want those clouds to part and the sun to shine through again.  Lots of love,