Thursday, September 17, 2009

Radiation Graduation!! GOD is SO Good Ya'll!!


Hello dear friends and family!

Today I had my LAST radiation treatment. Yeah!! I am now officially done with all of my treatments! Whoo-hooo!!

It was a very special day for me. I have to be honest though and say that I did the oddest thing on the way to the hospital. I found myself crying the whole way. Not from joy but from sorrow.

One reason for this was because I started thinking about the future. What would my life be like now AFTER cancer? I had already had my last weekly visit with the Radiation Oncologist on Tuesday. I asked him at the time how I needed to proactively monitor myself from this time forward. Should I have regular scans? Should I pay close attentioin to the tumor marker blood tests? What should I do?

His answer to me was more complicated than I expected. He said tumor markers don't work with all people. He also said some insurance companies won't pay for scans unless you have an outright symptom. His best advice was to know what was normal for my body and to know my Medical Oncologist. Fortuately he told me I have a top-notch Medical Oncologist (which I already knew).

He told me that one of his patients right now probably has about 3-4 weeks to live because of her metastacized cancer. She did not have breast cancer and initially went somewhere out of state. Her doctor there put her through all these tests which were not necessary in her case (like a mammogram) because he owned the equipment (and could make lots of $$). That doctor emphasized that her mammogram was clear without leveling with her about what she was up against. She had not been told the whole truth. And the truth in my case was he didn't know how my cancer would be monitored. He said sometimes as a doctor that is the hardest thing to tell a patient that "You don't know." He did say though that my Oncologist was a good doctor and would do everything she could to keep a close eye on me. This was both very comforting and very sobering to me.

Laura and Leslie heard every word of this and as we left that day Laura suggested we pray for this woman with a few weeks left to live, whoever she was. I was proud of Laura for thinking of it. We prayed for the woman in our car that morning. It prompted lots of questions about life, about death, about heaven and we talked about it all the whole way home.

That was on Tuesday. Today was Thursday. All of this was on my mind as I drove myself to the hospital for my last treatment.

Also on my mind was the fact that I would have to say goodbye to all the special people I saw every day at the treatment center...everyone from the techs, to the fellow patients to the parking attendent.

I was especially sad because I was told by a tech on Monday that Herbert had to take a break from his treatments and would not be in the rest of the week. I thought I might never see him and Virginia again.

What a pleasant surprise it was when I walked into the hospital and saw them both!

After my treatment I talked with Virginia in the waiting room more about Herbert. She told me that he was diagnosed in March. The cancer had started at his ear and progressed to his throat and lung. He has a circular button on his neck he always has to push whenever he speaks. Virginia told me he'd lost lots of weight and was having trouble eating. They were giving him 7 Ensures a day. She also told me that her daughter who lived several hours away has a lung disease and she is worried about her. She said as long as she "had breath in her body and gas in her car," she'd keep bringing Herbert for his treatments. I thought that was a beautiful statment. Many times when I've seen her Virginia would say, "Isn't God good?" with a big smile on her face. I always cheerfully agreed but today it made me stop and think about it further. I was always saying how good He was in the midst of good news. Ever since my diagnosis my news got better and better. Here she is able to say it even in the hardest of times. I admire her greatly. Now THAT is faith!

I was able to give Herbert and Connie each a GOD IS BIGGER THAN CANCER shirt. That meant so much to me. There were lots of hugs. The techs gave me a radiation graduation certificate. In the waiting room I collected my last cookie on my last cookie day. Boy did that ever taste SWEET!

I came to my last day of radiation with tears of sorrow and left with such joy. As I pulled off in my car I was touched that the parking attendent (who waved at us every morning) remembered it was my last day. I proudly showed him my radiation graduation certificate and he was quite impressed. (Yes, Evie I too made friends with the parking attendent).

And so ends my cancer treatments. I will still have at least 3 (maybe 4) surgeries but the battle waged against the cancer is now over. I hope it will be my last. It doesn't mean that cancer is out of my life for good now. No matter what happens in the future, cancer will always be a part of my life.

Please pray for Connie, for Virginia and her daughter, for Herbert and for that woman the doctor spoke about who is dying of cancer.

Please remember most that "God is so good." I have been a witness that it is true in the best and in the worst of times. Lots of love,

Kerry

11 comments:

  1. Kerry,

    You are AMAZING!!! I am so excited that you are finished!! You have won... You did it...You kicked cancer's butt!! My prayer for you tonight is that cancer will always be in the past for you from this day forward. I hope you take time to celebrate this weekend :-)

    Melony

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  2. Gosh Kerry, your posts are so moving. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. I think we each are seeing cancer from a new set of eyes and it has opened ours to it. Your strength and passion are so inspiring.

    Andrea

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  3. I'm so thrilled for you. I'll be praying for you now as you enter the surgery stage of your recovery. You are such an inspiration.

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  4. Andrea and Isabelle HansonSeptember 18, 2009 at 9:39 AM

    Hello Kerry. Congratulations on finishing radiation! It was such a relief for me when Isabelle had her last treatment. It was sort of sad also, like you said, to not see daily the people with whom you had become so close.

    Stay strong!

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  5. Dear Sweet Kerry,

    Your post was very moving and touched me deeply. I had never thought that there would be some sorrow for you in finishing radiation! I can understand how special a lot of the people you met have become. We will definitely pray for Connie, Virginia, Herbert and the other lady.
    I know that having cancer has molded and changed you. God has used you in so many ways in the lives of each and every person you met. Even those of us who have known you a long time, have been strengthened and encouraged to trust in God and to really look at and care for people.
    Celebrate how far you have come from the beginning of this year:-) We will continue to cheer you on as you face these last surgeries. I know that the future may be scary since you have met women whose cancer came back, but remember, God is holding you in his hands and you are following his will:-) We love you so much Kerry and we celebrate with you!

    Shannon

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  6. Kerry, just like Shannon said, we celebrate with you. We love you so much. Each day, I promise to lift you up in prayer just as we have been doing all along. God is so much bigger than everything. Kerry, you have taught me so much during this time. You are an inspiration to so many. We are so blessed that you are part of our family. I hope that you and Randy and the girls will celebrate big time this weekend.

    Nana

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  7. Done with all that treatment ... good for you!

    Go out and celebrate life.

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  8. Kerry,
    So glad to hear that!!! And how cool is that certificate?! Of course reading and hearing about your journey and how God, family and friends got you through this is even cooler! How sweet it is for your girls to carry the burden for that woman through prayer. They don't even know her, but they recognize the need. They are so precious. Kerry, you are a tremendous witness. I know because of your testimony, lives have been touched, encouraged and saved. I look forward to seeing what awesome things God's got in store for you.
    Love, Ginny

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  9. Hey Kerry,

    I thought of you all day Thursday. You finished a course of cancer treatments that began in January. The focus was on destroying the cancer cells through chemo, surgery, and radiation. This has been the goal ever since your world changed with the cancer diagnosis. The reconstructive surgery will be difficult, but it will not be a daily/weekly event. The job now is to move forward.
    The goal now is to learn to live with the knowledge that you have experienced cancer. You have proactive decisions to make as to your health. It is difficult because every person and every diagnosis is different. We are all praying for wisdom in the following years.
    I don't know what God's plan is for your life, Kerry, but I know that it will be beautiful. I also know that Randy, Laura and Leslie will be in the center of it. I will pray that God will show you how to move forward and use all that you have learned and experienced for His glory. God always makes a way, Kerry, it is simply our job to find it. I have every confidence in you.
    Take care of yourself, Kerry.
    Remember how much I love you.

    Mitzi

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  10. Kerry,
    I will never be able to tell you how much you have inspired me, how much you have touched me, how much you have witnessed to me!! You are an incredible woman of God and I am blessed to call you friend! I love you and I am here for you for whatever you need, whether that be a shoulder to cry on or to laugh until we can laugh no more!! I can't wait to walk with you in October...in your honor on behalf of what the Lord has done in your life!!! Congrats on graduating radiation. I remember when my dad finished his treatments, he was so thrilled to be done. He was so miserable during his treatments...his were aimed at his throat and it changed the way he tasted and even smelled things. If you ever need to talk about your journey forward, please let me know. When I had my partial hysterectomy, that was one of my thoughts. I felt like I was missing part of who I was and I didn't know how to deal with that. Now I am glad that I will go to heaven later missing parts than having had gone to heaven then, whole. I love you Kerry Osborne, you are an amazing woman of God, thank you for sharing that with me!!
    Amanda Gillenwater

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