Saturday, March 27, 2010

Ouch! Smile! Ouch! Smile!

This sounds like a weird topic heading for the blog I know but that is how I have been feeling lately.

Things still are going well. I go weekly for my expander fill ups. Laura and Leslie go with me. They hang out in a corner of the room playing their hand held video games while I lie down on a table. There are two nurses (one on either side of me), both holding a big syringe with a long needle. They inject me on both sides simultaneously and I find myself (as I have many times in the past) admiring the lovely ceiling above. The whole experience is rather surreal. I have lost count now on how many times I have had a "fill up."I have had it pretty easy with the expanders and no complications thus far. The expanders can move around alittle and one is partially under my left arm. It is now pressing on the same nerves that bothered me when the cancerous lymph node was still around. It doesn't hurt, just tingles constantly like whenever you bump your funny bone. My chest feels heavy especially when I lie down on my back. It feels like my back muscles must somehow be connected to my chest muscles because I get neck, shoulder and back discomfort every fill up. Please understand I'm not sharing all this to complain.

 As I've said time and time again, I have been so fortunate. I guess I just feel it's important to share what it is like, this getting back to "normal" and the way I once was. So that's the "ouch part." It's all part of the journey. And the getting back to normal is the "smile" part. It's knowing the end of it all is in sight. I talked to my doctor about reoccurances last week and told her I'd been worried about lots of aches and pains lately. She said if the cancer comes back it would not be "the achies" but "the ouchies." My ouchies are more like "achies" and I will take those any day. Lots of love,



  1. Hi Kerry,
    Oh, how I can relate to the "fills"...I recently had the exchange surgery (Mar 3)...good bye neck and back much relief. How many more fills do you have to do? Do you have your exhchange date yet? It looks like you were dx a month after me, but looks like our treatment ended close to the same time. Praying for you on your healing journey.


  2. Oh, Kerry. How I admire you. I shiver and shake just knowing a little of what you have endured and are still enduring. I am also thankful for how God is caring for you and this wonderful attitude He has instilled within you. Only God could give you such an attitude in the midst of such adversity. I think of the verse which tells us that He has plans to prosper us. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29: 11 Of course this verse pertained to God's people in exile in Babylon, but it has great promise for us also. We love you.


  3. Kerry,

    Hi again, thanks for stopping by my blog. I reread your profile, we are almost exactly alike...we are even both triple negatives--I look forward to following along on your journey! Excited to see how God continues to show up!

  4. Hi Kerry! You are such an inspiration to us and this little "filling up" phase will eventually pass, too! Keep smiling, and of course, keep us posted!

    Praying for you!

  5. Kerry,
    We are so glad that the end of this journey is in sight and that your "achies" aren't "ouchies":)You have been such an inspiration to us and we are so blessed to have you in our lives! Heather has mentioned how you have an amazing attitude and are very brave. You have touched her life in such a positive way and been a wonderful example of a christian woman relying on God. We will be praying that those "achies" will be better soon. We love you dearly!!


  6. Hey Kerry!

    I hope you are doing well. It must be strange to have those expanders and go for the "fill ups"! It is amazing what becomes the "new normal".
    It takes time after such a tramatic experience to figure out who you are. You can't go back, but you can move forward. You are doing such a great job!
    There are so many great days ahead, Kerry. I am so thankful for each and every one I can share with you.

    Take care of yourself, Kerry.
    Remember how much we all love you.


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