These Feet are Made for Walking!

Hello dear friends and family!

This is probably going to be my most controversial post. I hate controversy. I avoid it like the plague in fact, but when I started writing this blog I promised myself and others to be honest about the experience. So I am just going to lay it all out there. Cancer should unite us, not divide us. Yet last week I found myself psychologically torn in two.

First a quick update. I am still doing well physically & emotionally. My skin is slightly red from radiation and when I stretch my left arm I can feel some stinging beneath the skin but still nothing major. Randy, Laura and Leslie are doing well. Saturday was "kid's day" at our house. We went to the zoo, played arcade games and ate pizza at Mr. Gatti's. According to my kids it was "the best kid's day ever," which was absolutely priceless.

Now let's dive into the mental wrestling match I've been having all week. Ever since I was diagnosed I have wanted to do something..anything to help others with breast cancer. Hence the Tshirt ministry was born. One of the first things I looked forward to doing with the ministry way back in January was Race For the Cure, walking side by side with dozens of us in our "God is bigger than cancer" shirts. To me it wasn't so much about the money (although raising money for breast cancer is huge) it was about the witness to others. From a selfish standpoint it was also about being with friends, loved ones and a sea of other breast cancer survivors...my happy victorious day in the sun, showing the world that GOD IS BIGGER THAN BREAST CANCER.

Okay, now to the sticky part. No matter what side you fall on in the abortion debate, please hear me out.

A good friend of mine informed me last week that the Komen foundation (which oversees the race) supports planned parenthood. Both of us did some research and discovered that a couple affiliate offices of Komen (usually in rural areas) are giving planned parenthood $ for breast health screenings. The concern out there is that once they receive the $ planned parenthood can do whatever it wants with it, even funding abortions.

There is a video out there that says women who have had abortions are at an increased risk for breast cancer. Another concern it voices is that by giving $ to planned parenthood (which does abortions) Komen is in fact promoting breast cancer, not defeating it. Here is a link to the video http://www.lifeissues.org:80/AbortionBreastcancer/komen/index.htm

I had never heard of abortion as a risk factor before. What I do know is that there are several risk factors, some you can control and some you can't. And even if you live the perfect lifestyle, you can still get cancer. As I watched the video I winced because abortion was the only risk factor it focused on. I understand why the producers focused on it. They felt like women had a right to know and the issue was under reported. Still I had to wonder if I'd had an abortion how would I have felt watching it? With them reasoning that Komen is somewhat "responsible" for breast cancer what is the inference then about the woman herself? It's not so much what the video was saying. It was what I was FEELING. I have long wondered if people ever think to themselves, "Why she's 20 pounds overweight. She asked for her cancer." I know people aren't really thinking that, but it has been a human/gut reaction of mine ever since my diagnosis. And so the video bothered me. If I felt that way (and I'd never had an abortion), how would a woman feel who had an abortion, got breast cancer and then watched that video? And then I remembered the words told to me by the first sister survivor I called to inform of my diagnosis. "You don't deserve this, Kerry. Promise me you won't think you deserve this." Obviously she'd had the exact same emotions. No woman should feel like she deserves breast cancer.


I wish the video had given more resources to women who had an abortion, a phone number or resource they could talk to. Still many of the concerns raised by the video about Komen did bother me. I want to raise money for breast cancer and breast cancer only. I am pro-life and so all of this put me in a tough situation.

Do I walk? Do I not walk? Do I even protest? I have already registered. I've already met fellow breast cancer patients who want to walk with me on my team. (And I can't wait to walk with them!) I want to reach people with my message about God whether they are pro-life or pro-choice. I know and care about people who could be on either side of the debate. WHAT do I do?

So little shy me (who hates conflict) showed up at a team captain's meeting for Race for the Cure. I asked one of the local directors my question. Here's the answer I got:

75% of the money raised by Race for the Cure goes to the National office strictly to fund breast cancer research. It is from this research that tamoxifen and other life saving drugs have been found. 25% stays with the local branch for their overhead, education, breast screenings, and treatment. The national office does not give any money to planned parenthood.

A couple affiliates in very rural areas where there is no hospital or medical facility give $ out of their local 25% to planned parenthood to perform breast screenings. According to the director those affiliates (as well as the recipients of the money) must account (on paper) that the money has gone as intended or they will loose grant money. Could someone fudge this on paper? I suppose so. The director did say that Komen is focused solely on one agenda and one agenda only: curing the world of breast cancer. She assured me that EVERY CENT of the money raised in Knoxville will go to fighting breast cancer.

There is also a nationally recognized Christian food chain that is sponsoring the event locally. I talked to their Marketing Director (and a friend of mine) and they are very comfortable that they money is going only to the bc cause.

These are the viewpoints of the video and Komen as well as my first impressions.
At first this issue was so deflating to me, but now I am glad it has come out. It has raised an interesting theological debate.

For example, suppose I gave money to a homeless man on the street and told him it was only to be used for food. Suppose he went off and used it for something else (drugs, alcohol, a criminal act even). Suppose he only spent a fraction of the money on something I disagreed with and all the rest on a good cause? Suppose I also suspected he might do something bad with the money but gave him it anyway with hopes he would not? Am I doing something charitable or am I doing something wrong?

SO I've prayed about it and here's what I've decided to do:

I am going to walk in Race for the Cure. Komen has done SO much to advance the fight against breast cancer. I want the message from the shirts out there and that is the best forum in which to do it. If people want to give, give.
If they don't feel good about the race, I understand why. Everyone on the team can do what they think is right about the fundraising.

In addition I would like to take part in some other activity to fight breast cancer that those unable to do Race for the Cure can participate in. Any money raised from that event would go toward the Tshirt ministry or to St Mary's Medical Center where I was diagnosed and had my surgery. I'll even sign a petition encouraging Komen to seek another solution in rural areas rather than use planned parenthood. This is the decision I have come to and I am at peace about it. (Now I hope I don't have you angrily picking up tomatoes and throwing them at me and into your personal computer). ;)

Here is where I need YOUR help. Just DO something. Give where you feel led to give and most importantly PRAY. Pray that we reach people. I want people to come up to us in our God shirts during any walk we do. I want us to be able to tell them that the only thing we can count on in life is God. That doesn't mean I will never have cancer again. It doesn't mean that we'll never have any problems. What is does mean is that we will always have HIM. HE is bigger than cancer. He is BIGGER THAN ANYTHING!! If only one person, ONE person gets that....it will be SO worth every minute of my breast cancer fight. Lots of love,

Kerry