Hello Dear Friends and Family!
Obviously I've been thinking alot about my surgery lately. It will be Thursday morning at 8 am.
You know those Verizon Wireless commericals, the ones where a person has their entire phone network of like 100 people following them everywhere they go? Well for me surgery isn't like that. Well, it is but it feels like it isn't. Let me explain.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I had never had a major surgery before in my life. Now it looks like I will have three total in my breast cancer recovery, maybe more. The surgery is not life threatening or anything but it still is a little scary. I'm sure any of you out there who have had major surgery would say the same. Now of course the doctor is there. And I think the world of mine. But the people in this world you are used to relying on can't be right there to hold your hand. When you are wheeled into surgery your spouse can't go with you...your parents, your siblings, your friends. Sure they will be waiting for you on the other side and that makes a HUGE difference. But when it comes down to that moment when you go into surgery you are going into it ALONE. Your support network can't go with you. I knew all that in my head before but I never experienced it until I had cancer.
The truth is your "network" as wonderful as it is can't carry your burden for you. They can help you tremendously (and mine certainly has) but they can't take it from you. Like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress your burden in life (whatever that burden may be) is your own to carry.
The good news is that if you have Jesus in your heart you are NOT ALONE and He can make that burden seem light if you give it to Him. And what matters most when you are wheeled into that operating room right then and there is your relationship with God. You can either feel isolated at that moment or know you are in better hands.
When I tuck my girls into bed at night we say the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer. The version I said as a kid has the line "If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take." I remember dreading that line as a kid, wishing I just could skip over it. As an adult now though I understand how comforting (not scary) that line really is. My kids and I say a version with the line "As Angels watch over me through the night until I wake in the morning light."
When I am wheeled into that operating room, I am not only going to picture my wonderful network waiting for me on the other side of the door (and praying for me all over the country) but I am also going to close my eyes and imagine an army of heavenly angels all around me, watching over me. I will not be alone. God will carry me through.
It reminds me of that beautiful poem "Footprints."
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets
of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me
and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
and I questioned the Lord
about my dilemma.
“Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I'm aware that during the most troublesome
times of my life there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why, when I needed You most,
You leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints
it was then that I carried you.”
Margaret Fishback Powers
See you all on the other side of the operating room! Lots of love,
Kerry
Dear Kerry,
ReplyDeleteOh how we wish we could go with you, to hold your hand and pray over you and the doctor, and talk to you as you sleep about how it's all going to be alright. We can't, you're right but we'll be together, your friends, and family. We'll be in our houses, or in the yard, we'll be on the phone, and in the waiting room, and we'll talk about you, think about you,we'll pray about you and we'll hold hands and hug eachother and in that way we'll all be together and when two or more are together, and pray to HIM, he hears us. Be sure that on Thurs morning, from all over, although He would hear one small whisper, He'll hear us all loud and clear. Sweet Blessings, Your Friend
Hey sweetie,
ReplyDeleteI would remove this surgery from you if I could. I remember the first time I had major surgery. I was bleeding internally and realized a pregnancy had ended. I had never seen John so scared. Our families were too far to come and there was no time for friends to arrive. It was a sobering moment for me.
John still can't stand the thought of anyone being in a hospital waiting room alone.
As scared as I was, I felt such peace. I can't explain it. I knew I was going to get past that day and be okay. I had to go through that day to get well. I couldn't go around it. No one could have the surgery for me. As you said, we all have burdens we bear in this life. I so wish I could make yours lighter. You are bearing a much heavier one then I did.
I wish I could explain the peace I felt to you, but I know that I don't need to. You will feel it Thursday morning. It will wash over you and fill you completely. It will pass "all understanding". You will be okay.
I wish I could be down there in the "huddle". I know Shannon, mom, dad, Randy, and Randy's parents will all be there. They will be with you as soon as you are ready. I won't be there physically, but will hold you in my thoughts and prayers constantly.
Of course, it will be a totally different scene at my house. My goal is that no one is injured and we don't need to call emergency vehicles. I realize that this doesn't seem like a high standard, but it is harder then you think!
I will send you and Randy lots of pictures. You need to get past this and get better! We have work to do. We have seven children to raise between us. They need us so much.
I can't wait for you, Randy and Shannon to come up. We are going to have such fun, Kerry. There are so many great days ahead. You have taught me to appreciate each one.
Take care of yourself, Kerry.
Remember how much I love you, especially Thursday morning and in the days to come.
Mitzi
Kerry, we will be with you. Although, we cannot follow into the surgery, we will be together in one accord. That one thought upon our minds is our conversation with our Saviour and Lord on your behalf. Remember all the times we have held hands as a family and thanked God for food, for family, for wonderful holiday times together. We did this physically. This week and Thursday morning, we are again holding hands and talking to God. This time it is not a physical touching but rather a spiritual experience. We will be there.
ReplyDeleteWe love you.
Nana
Dear Kerry,
ReplyDeleteYou will be in my thoughts and prayers Thursday morning and the hours and days to follow. I pray for guidance for the doctors and nurses, for peace of mind for your family, and for peace, comfort, and complete healing for you.
love,
Shelly
Kerry,
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog and the comments that followed tonight, I feel very touched by them all. I wish I could be there with you during your surgery. Even better, I wish I could take it all away from you and you wouldn't even have to have surgery. But, I know I can't. I know that God placed you in my life at the exact time that we needed each other. I know that God knew you would be going through this last year when we became such great friends! I will be here for you when you are recovering! I know that God will be with you during your surgery and you will feel his presence. I can't wait for the day when you hear the prognosis of "Cancer FREE". And, I can't wait for your "cancer year" to be over with. You are nearing the finish line!!
I Love You,
Brooke :)
Praying for your surgery on Thursday...prayers for God's hand to be guiding the surgeon...prayers for you to feel the peace and love of all your "network of angels"
ReplyDeleteLove in Christ,
Suzanne
Dear Kerry,
ReplyDeletethere are no words to tell you how important you are to all of us. Mamma B used to say adversity builds character. After one of her surgeries she admitted that she thought she had enough character--we all thought she had enough adversity too. All of us would say the same about you. Before we took Tom to Washington for the brain surgery I admitted to a doctor that I just wasn't sure I could do this-there were so many things to think about -we were convinced it was the right thing to do but could I really turn him over for this grim surgery with possibly catastrophic results. I couldn't picture myself "letting go of the bed"--I had held on to him thru life threatening seizures and crushing headaches How could I "let go" now. So the doctor gave me a job to do-- my job was to get Tom to the hospital--that was my only job. Once he was at the hospital he would take over and he wasn't "letting go" of Tom either. The only thing I was to think about was getting him from Lexington to Washington. "Just get him here, Pat" he said "thats all you can think about, only that" Somehow this helped--I had a job no one else could do and it was important. This story may not make sense but it was such a powerful moment. This doctor helped me see that even if I couldn't face all hurdles and pain Tom would have to overcome I could face the tiny first step. You know with all my worrying Tom solved the problem I had with "letting him go". When the nurse called his name he stood up and walked by HIMSELF into brain surgery. So on the big day I pray God sends Toms bravery and my baby steps. We love you, you're like Superman--brave, honest and true or was that the Lone Ranger? We'll be praying for you and Mama B and Pops will be watching over you. Love you Aunt Pat
Kerry, I'll be praying for you tomorrow. While this is huge I know you're going to do just fine. God hasn't given you a spirit of fear but a spirit of courage and strength. Remember you will not always be in this place. As each day passes you're going to feel better and stronger. I know we're all looking forward to having you come to King George. Remember too how much you are loved and that you have a team praying and pulling for you thats larger than the Verizon Network team! Stay strong!!
ReplyDeleteLove and Many Hugs!!!!
Renee
Sweet Kerry,
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers have been with you all day and will continue to be with you.
Much love,
Lorrie