Introducing 2 New Shirts!

Hello dear friends and family!

Things are going well! I had a wonderful weekend spent with relatives, one of whom I feel like I've known forever but just met for the very first time. (Hey Marian!) What a joy that was to spend time with them!

I have my 5th chemo treatment this coming Thursday. After that there will be just one more to go!

Today I am proud to introduce to you two new shirts. One has the cross design with a slighly different phrase "God is so much bigger than ANYTHING." The idea for this shirt came from a dear friend at my coop named Tiffany. I love the shirt because God IS bigger than any trial, hardship or obstacle the world can throw at us!

The second shirt is the design above "God is so much bigger than Multiple Sclerosis." The idea for this shirt came from another dear friend named Brooke whose mother battled MS for many years.

A couple of us will be wearing the shirts in the MS Walk in Knoxville Saturday morning. My side effects usually start Saturday afternoon/evening, so please pray that they don't show up early. I am very excited that the shirts will be making a debut at this event!

Today I'd like to share with you an excerpt from a the book Live Like You were Dying by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman, inspired from the song by Tim McGraw. The book was given to me by a Pep Moms friend right after I was diagnosed. I love the following passage:

We're all terminal.
Some of us are just lucky enough to know it.
Life is a spiritual journey.
And sometimes all you have to do is show up
and have a little faith that something
completely amazing is possible any day.

And every now and then,
right when you least expect it,
something amazing does happen.

And you are no more in control
than a feather is of the wind.
All you know is that the force moving you is so strong
that you just hang on in wonder.

There is nothing but the moment and the sense of dancing with angels.

I'm just "hanging on in wonder" of all God is doing in my life and in so many other precious lives I see every day.
Lots of love,

Kerry

Hormones, Hormones EVERYWHERE!

Yikes!!! It looks like either my meds have messed up my hormones big time or I am undergoing chemo-induced menopause. Whatever this is it has popped up quickly. I've had hot and cold flashes. Yesterday I felt absolutely fine but cried uncontrollably all day. I have had mood swings for a few weeks now.

Thank goodness a fellow survivor happened to read my last post and emailed me saying she saw it coming. I'm not used to being unable to control my emotions. It is SCARY.

I recently joined Facebook and it asks you regularly "What's on your mind..." I think the question should come with a disclaimer that "if you have messed up hormones from chemo this does not apply to you" because I have seriously almost posted some pretty dark stuff. Last night in the midst of another crying fit all I could write were the words below. I know that this is temporary and that God will carry me through it. He always does.

I've got tears I can't explain. They just keep falling.

I got a hug from a sister survivor today when I really needed it.

I got two phone calls from family at just the right moment.

I got an email from a friend that made me smile.

I've got two little girls that just look at me and wonder.

I've got a husband who made me laugh as soon as he walked in the door.

I've got a God who sees it all and gets me through it.

I've got blessings.

Lots of love,

Kerry

NOT Sweating the Small Stuff

Hello dear friends and family!

I am a week out from my last treatment. I didn't have any trouble with the bone pain this time which is a blessing. I've started some stomach quesiness like I had with the last round. I am hoping it will be gone within a couple of days.

Yesterday was a hard day not only because I felt worse but because I have found myself starting to sweat the small stuff again. You know, all the little things that stress us out and give us that "overwhelmed" feeling. For me there's details of the upcoming surgery, the decision of whether or not to homeschool Laura in the fall, my messy house, weight I'm putting on, a broken dishwasher,and two surprise baby guinea pigs (that need to be given away before they produce more surprises of their own)!

I find myself trying to "destress" my life but then feel guilty about it when I do. For example, we are now using paper plates, cups, and forks, but I feel guilty every time I go off to the trash dump to dispose of it all. And yesterday there was lots of tears and drama as I managed to find a home for one baby guinea pig. It broke Laura's heart and I felt like "the worst mom ever."

After a couple days of focusing on all these things it got me wondering what it is that makes me do it. What makes me get so stressed out over little things? Why do I let them get to me? Here I am in the midst of chemo with miraculous results. Tumors shrunk to next to nothing! Here I am able to live a relatively normal life in the midst of cancer and I'm stressing over guinea pigs!!! I've just come to the conclusion that "sweating the small stuff" is human and part of my fallen nature. It is me trying to be in control. It is my human nature trying to take over the reigns of my life again. In Matthew 6: 27 Jesus said to his disciples, "Can any of you add a single hour to the length of your life by worrying?"

Sweating over the small stuff hangs over your day like a cloud and I am tried of letting it "rain on my parade." God is so, so good and I'm not going to let these things burden me down spiritually.

1 Peter 5:7 says we are to "Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." That's what I am doing today...from the big decisions to the little agitations. I'm casting my anxieties on Him. Lots of love,

Kerry

4 Chemos Down!!

Hello dear friends and family!

Today I had my 4th chemo treatment! 4 down 2 to go!!!

Once again the "Chemo Hut" was filled with laughter. I had a wonderful conversation over chemo with a breast cancer survivor and her husband. Her name was Mildred. She had been through the whole treatment (including surgeries and chemo before) and has had a reoccurance in her lung, requiring yet another surgery and chemo. We laughed about how nice it would be if the reclining chairs you sit in at chemo had built-in heat and back massagers. One nurse kept joking about starting an IV on Mildred's husband just for fun. Those nurses really have a wonderful ministry. They truly have a gift with people. I'm still learning a few names but the ones who have worked on me alot are Kathy, Beverly, Christina and Judy. My hat (or should I say my wig):) is off to all of them. They are truly a blessing to the patients they help. Each week I will see a former patient stop by for a litte reunion with the nurses. This week it was a young woman who had exciting news...she is scheduled for kidney transplant surgery next month.

Do you remember Angie who I met during my first chemo treatment who was sitting across from me with the same "Cancer Vixen" book I had? We reconnected today in the waiting room and she told me what to prepare for with the upcoming surgery. We talked about how God is already using our cancer as a blessing and how good He is.

Twice this week I have had two people tell me stories of how God has answered their prayers in miraculous ways. One was my friend Tammy whose boyfriend had left his wallet in a cab in New York City. They prayed about it and soon after it was returned to him. It took 3 honest people (the rider in the cab, the cabbie, and the doorman of the restaurant) to get the wallet back to him. A second prayer was answered for a friend of mine whose husband is being wrongfully sued. His new insurance (taken out after the incident) has miraculously agreed to cover their legal fees! It is always such an encouragement to me to hear how God answers prayer!

I had the privilege again this week also of dropping off another batch of shirts to Julie at the radiologist's office. She was so excited to get more shirts and told me about how they brought smiles to the women's faces who were newly diagnosed. That was such a blessing to me. I also dropped off another group to the Surgical Onclogist's office at UT. These were the largest batches I've dropped off yet. It is so exciting to see the ministry growing!!

In closing today I'd like to share a poem I found off the internet that I think sums up how God can ultimately carry us through any tough situation.

His ways are so mysterious
We just can’t understand
What seems to us to be so wrong
Turns out to be His plan

He wants to work His will in us
But it brings much pain sometimes
Just like the dross from gold removed
We too must be refined

Don’t cower in fear when hardships come
Just trust in Him and know
He has a plan for each of us
We’re His, He has control

One day we’ll shine like precious jewels
Because we stood the tests
Not understanding all His ways
Yet, knowing He’d do what’s best

Copyright by Sharon Elaine Carpenter
from cutechoice.com

Combatting the Why MEs

Earlier this week I was sitting with some other moms at softball practice. The wind was blowing hard and I was seriously concerned that my wig might just fly off my head at that moment and pelt some poor unfortunate 7 year old softball player in the face. I had just had a doctor's appointment with my breast surgeon and had spent the day focused on what my upcoming surgery was going to be like. I was watching these other moms talking and laughing and I had a tinge of jealousy. Why? Because their life right now was "normal." In the midst of it all I began having a few "WHY MEs." Why did this have to happen to me? Why did cancer have to come and disrupt my life? Why...why...why...

I've been through the genetic testing and there's no known genetic reason for my cancer. I've analyzed my lifestyle before my diagnosis. Did I eat all the wrong things? Did I not exercise enough? Should I have worn gloves when I cleaned the house? Did I get myself exposed to some sort of chemical? I've been over all these questions in my head a hundred times. Alot of people have offerred advice on what I could do better and I appreciate it. It's true we can all reduce our chances by making good choices but the ultimate reality is cancer is something you cannot completely avoid or completely control no matter how healthy your lifestyle. I have yet to meet a chain-smoking, obese, alcoholic breast cancer patient. All the ones I have met are active, vibrant, "healthy." I keep listening to all the advice though because deep down I really wish someone could just tell me why...why I have cancer.

In my heart I know I will never have the answer. I know many of you out there are going through hard experiences, many so much harder than mine. I'm sure you are wondering "Why me" in your situation as well, whatever it may be. If you dwell on the "WHY MEs" I have learned it will drive you crazy. All you can do is focus on the knowledge that God has a divine purpose for your life and try to turn something awful into something good.

When I was having the "WHY MEs" earlier today, I had a picture come into my mind of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. How he must have gone through those same emotions and oh how much BIGGER was His burden than mine! Jesus never promised that life as a Christian would be easy. In fact he promised the exact opposite. Matthew 16:24 says "Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.'" That is so hard to do. Do you ever find yourself wanting to say "Why can't it be easy Lord...why does it have to be so hard?" I find myself saying that all the time. But Jesus also said in Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (NIV)
So whenever I am feeling a "WHY ME" coming, I am going to close my eyes and picture Jesus in that garden and I am going to make a choice. I am going to choose to rest in Him. Lots of love,

Kerry

We Painted the Town PINK!

Hello!

I just got back from sister's weekend with Shannon and Mitzi and what a wonderful time we had!! We did our best to boost the sagging economy by eating and shopping, eating and shopping. (The things we do to support our country!)

Yes that is the three of us in our flashing neon pink breast cancer pins that Shannon and I picked up at the Expo. (I am sorry to say the picture does not do their flashiness & their bling justice).

Mitzi's husband John and my nephews were hiking the Appalachian trail in the freezing cold while we hiked the malls this past weekend. I told her on the boy's next expedition they could take one of our pins along in case of an emergency. They could hold it up at night as an SOS for the rescue helicopters to find them (not that the Busic boys would ever need rescuing mind you!)

Thanks to Randy, Dennis, John, Brooke, Gramsy & Pops and Nana & Papaw for watching the kids so we could go. Roanoke is definately a little "pinker" than it was before!

I continue to do well. The only difference between this go round and the last is a little nausea. After talking to my doctor I tried dropping one of my nausa meds (a steroid) and it came back to haunt me. I went back on it but have been left the last several days with a quesiness that brings back memories of morning sickness. The metal taste in my mouth is more pronounced this time around too but that is all. None of it has seemed to slow me down.

The shirt orders continue to come in well. Race for the Cure events are coming up and I plan on looking into those. How cool will it be to have a group of us walking together in our shirts! I can't wait! I will have more details soon! Thanks for your continued prayer and support. Lots of love,

Kerry

I Got a Hug From Robin Roberts!! Godincidences Galore!!

Hello Prayer Warriors!

Your prayers worked! I made it to the Women's Expo and if I had to sum it up in one word I would say INCREDIBLE!

It wasn't easy getting to the expo. Thanks to some very special friends and family members I made it. My wonderful husband Randy drove all over town Friday trying to find Robin's book which was a noble (and not so easy) quest. Along with me I took some GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN CANCER shirts that traded hands four times Friday afternoon before ultimately geting to me. (Thank you to the couriers Melony, Melissa, Felicia & Shannon).

When my sister Shannon and I set out it was cold and rainy. Several parking lots (which charged fees) were full but a free one right across the convention center was empty. We grabbed our spot (quite proud of ourselves) and ran through the rain inside.

No sooner did Shannon and I get out of the rain into the convention center than we ran into Angela. She is the breast cancer survivor I met a couple weeks ago. I had given her one of our shirts just after she finished an MRI to see if her cancer had reoccurred. She said that the cancer has come back and she is having a bilateral mastectomy on Tuesday. We shared some hugs and told her we'd be praying for her. Her smile and positive attitude were as strong as ever.

Inside we looked around the expo. We bought ourselves some flashing breast cancer pins for a $5 donation to the cause. (We brought one home for you Mitzi. It is so flashy I promise we will never loose sight of each other over sister's weekend).

At 12:30 pm Robin Roberts took the stage. We got there early but by that time all the seats were taken. We stood way in the back but fortunately they had two large screens on either side of the stage so we could see her. Robin's speech was inspirational and very down to earth as well. She talked about how her parents brought her up with to follow the three D's: Determination, Dedication and "D" Lord. She talked about her coworker Joel Siegel (the movie reviewer's) battle with colon cancer and how, before his death, he urged others to get checked because it would have saved his life had his cancer been caught earlier. She mentioned that she found her breast cancer lump right after his funeral and talked about her whole journey through treatment. Originally she was not going to go public with her condition but her mother said she should take her MESS and make it her MESSAGE. I thought that was a powerful statement. She also said you should always put yourself in a positive position of influence to reach others and to get that message out. Everything she said was very encouraging to me because it fit right into my beliefs about God being so much bigger than cancer and being able to take something so awful and turn it into something positive.

Following the speech Shannon and I hustled over to the book signing line. There I met a 20 year cancer survivor named Charlotte and her friend Pat as well as a girl whose sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I gave them and others in line some of my extra shirts. As we waited we got lots of questions about the shirts and a woman from the Knoxville News Sentinel came and interviewed me. An article discusses it in today (Sunday's) local section. Here is the link. http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2009/mar/14/roberts-summitt-highlight-saturdays-women-today-ex/

We stood in line for over 45 minutes and it soon became apparent that we weren't going to make it to see Robin. We passed close to her at one point and I asked one of the women helping her to put my shirt and note for her into her personal box just to make sure she got it. 2:15 came and the book signing ended. You could hear the mumbles of disappointment from everyone around us as it looked like she was leaving. We were only about 10-15 people away from her. But you know what? As she left, she headed down towards the line. She kept shaking hands and signing books. I grabbed mine back out of my bag and she came right up to me. She graciously signed my book. I told her that the first thing my kids said about my diagnosis and loosing my hair was "You're just like Robin." She smiled and gave me a big hug. I wish I'd had a chance to get my picture with her and tell her about the shirts, but I bet she'll make the connection when she reads the note inside her own gift shirt. We were so close to missing Robin that Charlotte right behind me got her signature but her friend with her did not. Whew! That was a close one!

Remember the chemo nurse who hates ghost stories and told me that running into the same people during my treatments was not a coincidence? I ran into her and got a big hug from her too.

As we were leaving I had the pleasant surprise of running into Deborah, a wonderful survior from my church who has been a huge encouragement to me. I asked her if she'd like the last shirt I had but it wasn't her size. No sooner did we leave than we ran into two other women who wanted to know about the shirts. One of them was named Missy. She is my age exactly and dealing with advanced breast cancer in her spine and liver. She'd had a reoccurance. Pregnancy and breast feeding had masked her cancer for several months. She is an incredible lady. She had just finished her third chemo treatment with the TAC medicine just like me. We traded each other's web site information and said we'd be praying for one another. I know she's in a tougher fight and I was humbled and inspired by her spirit. I gave her my last shirt. It was just her size.

So this was my day. What do you think? Incredible right!! Thank you all so much for your prayers and all your support. My "mess" continues to grow into a fantastic "MESSAGE"! I know our GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN CANCER message got out at the Women's Expo yesterday!! Lots of love,

Kerry