Hello prayer warriors!
We are home safely from our trip. I already miss my sister and all our dear friends in Va. It feels good though to be back in TN getting ready for round 3 of my treatment...radiation.
Today I met with the Radiation Oncologist and the radiation therapist who will be overseeing my treatment. The Radiation Oncologist said again what a miraculous pathology report I had from the surgery. He said if the response on the tumors from the chemo was so great, just imagine what it did to any of those "bad cells" that might have been floating around in my system. Yippee!!
They put me through a CAT scan today. It is a big square box with what looks like a big donut hole. You just lie down and move back and forth through the opening while the machine scans you. They were getting precise pictures and data of my anatomy so that the doctor can line up angles and trajectories they will use to shoot the radiation. They also make customized molds they put against you to prevent any of the radiation from reaching your vital organs. They will be shooting side angles of the remaining chest tissues, straight on angles of my scars and also the lymph nodes near my neck for prevention. The individualized nature and preciseness of it all is very fascinating. Because my breast cancer is on the left side (near my heart) I have to use a special machine. On the plus side, it means that machine is less busy and I had my pick of the times. I will start treatment on August 3 at 8:45 am in the morning and go 5 times a week for almost 7 weeks (or 33 treatments).
I am actually excited about starting. Life is so good. I had a wonderful visit with family, there's a new school year to look forward to and still a little bit of the summer to enjoy. If life can be this good, just imagine how good eternal life must be. Lots of love,
Kerry
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Fun, Fun, Fun
Hello Dear friends and family!
This week I am up in Virginia visiting with my sisters and their families. We are having such a wonderful time. There's been lots of swimming, video games, movies and laughter.
I continue to recover well and feel truly blessed. Thursday night we got together with many wonderful friends in King George who have been praying for me these many months. Some of them I met for the very first time. It was truly a joy to see them and thank them for their wonderful prayers and support.
Lots of love,
Kerry
This week I am up in Virginia visiting with my sisters and their families. We are having such a wonderful time. There's been lots of swimming, video games, movies and laughter.
I continue to recover well and feel truly blessed. Thursday night we got together with many wonderful friends in King George who have been praying for me these many months. Some of them I met for the very first time. It was truly a joy to see them and thank them for their wonderful prayers and support.
Lots of love,
Kerry
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Psalm
Hello Dear friends and family,
I am doing great! I'm back to sleeping in the bed and rolling over. Yeah!!! I'm stuffing my bra daily and about to glue on some falsh eyelashes tonight (wish me luck). Except for these usual breast cancer oddities, all seems right with the world.
Today I thought I'd share with you something I wrote way back in January after I was first diagnosed. It was the weekend after my first chemo treatment when I attended a Pep Moms retreat. The speaker read a psalm in which King David had poured out his soul during hardship. She then had each of us write a Psalm about what was burdening us down. I remember distinctly that Casting Crown's "The Voice of Truth" was playing on a boom box at the time. I was among several who got up and shared my psalm. We all cried together over different problems, fears and worries that were burdening us down. After almost 6 months I revisited my psalm today. I guess it just shows again God's goodness. I reference a storm in my psalm several times and I must say God's grace has truly carried my family through it.
My burden is heavy Lord
So so heavy.
Cancer stinks Lord.
Some days I feel really bad.
Some days I can't do what I enjoy.
And Lord that stinks.
I want my life back.
I want my energy back.
I want normal back, Lord.
But Lord I know you are greater than cancer.
You are greater than anything Satan or this world can throw at me.
Your love will carry me through this storm.
You will carry me through this storm.
You will hold my hand. You will hold my husband's hand.
You will hold Laura and Leslie my daughters' hands
Against the waves that batter against us.
For you O Lord are great...so so great.
How great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God
And all will see how great, how great is our God.
Of course the last two lines are from the well known song, How Great Is Our God. It was the first song I heard the next Sunday in church after I was diagnosed. How blessed I have been to have gone through the storm so well. I guess all that is left now are just a few thundershowers. How good is that? If there is something burdening you down, I would encourage you to write your own psalm. It did wonders for my spirit. Lots of love,
Kerry
I am doing great! I'm back to sleeping in the bed and rolling over. Yeah!!! I'm stuffing my bra daily and about to glue on some falsh eyelashes tonight (wish me luck). Except for these usual breast cancer oddities, all seems right with the world.
Today I thought I'd share with you something I wrote way back in January after I was first diagnosed. It was the weekend after my first chemo treatment when I attended a Pep Moms retreat. The speaker read a psalm in which King David had poured out his soul during hardship. She then had each of us write a Psalm about what was burdening us down. I remember distinctly that Casting Crown's "The Voice of Truth" was playing on a boom box at the time. I was among several who got up and shared my psalm. We all cried together over different problems, fears and worries that were burdening us down. After almost 6 months I revisited my psalm today. I guess it just shows again God's goodness. I reference a storm in my psalm several times and I must say God's grace has truly carried my family through it.
My burden is heavy Lord
So so heavy.
Cancer stinks Lord.
Some days I feel really bad.
Some days I can't do what I enjoy.
And Lord that stinks.
I want my life back.
I want my energy back.
I want normal back, Lord.
But Lord I know you are greater than cancer.
You are greater than anything Satan or this world can throw at me.
Your love will carry me through this storm.
You will carry me through this storm.
You will hold my hand. You will hold my husband's hand.
You will hold Laura and Leslie my daughters' hands
Against the waves that batter against us.
For you O Lord are great...so so great.
How great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God
And all will see how great, how great is our God.
Of course the last two lines are from the well known song, How Great Is Our God. It was the first song I heard the next Sunday in church after I was diagnosed. How blessed I have been to have gone through the storm so well. I guess all that is left now are just a few thundershowers. How good is that? If there is something burdening you down, I would encourage you to write your own psalm. It did wonders for my spirit. Lots of love,
Kerry
Friday, July 3, 2009
Feeling Whole for the Holy One
Hello dear friends and family!
Surgery is now 3 weeks behind me. I am still very swollen but it is going down. I am now sleeping in the bed again at least most of the night. I can't roll over on my side and have to sleep on my back. Usually between 2-5 am I wake up with a terrible back ache and I sleep the rest of the night in the recliner. (I have new appreciation for LaZboys let me tell you). I have lost most of my eyelashes and eyebrows now too but the hair on my head is definately coming back. My arm mobility is improving. I am reaching over my shoulders now and (with some squirming) can usually pull clothes off over my head. I'm back to driving all over town too. These are all very small victories but I will take them. Life is ALMOST back to normal.
The emotional side of things is still taking some getting used to. Lately breast cancer has made me feel like I am half a person. It can make you feel like half a wife. You aren't as beautiful for your spouse as you were before. What's the use of dolling up when you don't have hair, eyebrows or even eyelashes. It can make you feel like half a woman. Not only is my hair missing but my chest too. Sometimes I feel androgynous. Yes it is temporary but it still can be SO depressing. You want to do something about it, but what are you going to do? You can't make your hair come back any sooner. You can't make the surgeries or the radiation visits over with quicker or be any easier. You can't make the scars disappear or make the swelling go away any faster. So you try to be one of those glass half full people. You look for the silver lining. You tell yourself "I'll shop for scarves and hats." Or you think "I'll pick my own bra size!" Goodness knows I have an large bandana collection right now and reconstruction will certainly make me feel more normal in the long run but neither of these things (or any of the other "silver linings" I focus on) will make me feel whole again inside.
SO how do you feel whole again? Well it isn't by anything you can do yourself that's for sure. The only thing that makes me feel whole again is knowing that God is in control and that He is the one who can fill me up inside. No one person and no one thing on Earth can do that...just Him. Everything you have in life, everything you've achieved....your health, your financial stability, your spouse, your children, everything is a blessing on loan from Him. Those things all make you feel wonderful and happy but nothing else can make you feel complete. I have lots of moments when I struggle with the emotional side, but this knowledge is what carries me through. I can't imagine battling this disease with out it. Hope you are feeling whole inside too. Lots of love,
Kerry
PS: Brooke Estrada emailed me and said the Avon Breast Cancer walk in the Colorodo Rockies was a huge success with lots of answered prayer and Godincidinces. More details to come later!
Surgery is now 3 weeks behind me. I am still very swollen but it is going down. I am now sleeping in the bed again at least most of the night. I can't roll over on my side and have to sleep on my back. Usually between 2-5 am I wake up with a terrible back ache and I sleep the rest of the night in the recliner. (I have new appreciation for LaZboys let me tell you). I have lost most of my eyelashes and eyebrows now too but the hair on my head is definately coming back. My arm mobility is improving. I am reaching over my shoulders now and (with some squirming) can usually pull clothes off over my head. I'm back to driving all over town too. These are all very small victories but I will take them. Life is ALMOST back to normal.
The emotional side of things is still taking some getting used to. Lately breast cancer has made me feel like I am half a person. It can make you feel like half a wife. You aren't as beautiful for your spouse as you were before. What's the use of dolling up when you don't have hair, eyebrows or even eyelashes. It can make you feel like half a woman. Not only is my hair missing but my chest too. Sometimes I feel androgynous. Yes it is temporary but it still can be SO depressing. You want to do something about it, but what are you going to do? You can't make your hair come back any sooner. You can't make the surgeries or the radiation visits over with quicker or be any easier. You can't make the scars disappear or make the swelling go away any faster. So you try to be one of those glass half full people. You look for the silver lining. You tell yourself "I'll shop for scarves and hats." Or you think "I'll pick my own bra size!" Goodness knows I have an large bandana collection right now and reconstruction will certainly make me feel more normal in the long run but neither of these things (or any of the other "silver linings" I focus on) will make me feel whole again inside.
SO how do you feel whole again? Well it isn't by anything you can do yourself that's for sure. The only thing that makes me feel whole again is knowing that God is in control and that He is the one who can fill me up inside. No one person and no one thing on Earth can do that...just Him. Everything you have in life, everything you've achieved....your health, your financial stability, your spouse, your children, everything is a blessing on loan from Him. Those things all make you feel wonderful and happy but nothing else can make you feel complete. I have lots of moments when I struggle with the emotional side, but this knowledge is what carries me through. I can't imagine battling this disease with out it. Hope you are feeling whole inside too. Lots of love,
Kerry
PS: Brooke Estrada emailed me and said the Avon Breast Cancer walk in the Colorodo Rockies was a huge success with lots of answered prayer and Godincidinces. More details to come later!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Healing Rain
Hello dear friends and family!
Healing rain is falling down inside (my spirit) and out (my physical scars). I am still recovering well from my surgery. The drain tubes are gone (yeah!) It feels like I have a huge jelly roll under my arms from the swelling, but there is no pain and I am able to get around well. I have been sleeping in the living room recliner for a week and a half to keep myself elevated and reduce pressure on the stitches. Bed? What's that? Needless to say I am looking forward to sleeping in one again soon.
I have a lopsided chest. The left side is flat. They injected fluid for the first time into the expander on the right side Monday, making it expand & beginning the reconstruction. The expander is actually located underneath the chest muscle and stretches both the muscle and the skin which made me sore for a couple of days. For a while there I vowed I was stopping at size AA. Randy hurt his back exercising that night and we were both hobbling around the house like a bent over old couple. Just looking at each other made us laugh but it also hurt! It was funny.
The little things like the soreness and swelling are really just irritating. Laura, Leslie and I are impatient for me to fully recover so we can get out more and enjoy the summer.
It looks like my hair will start coming back soon. I have a little fuzz on my head now, just a few baby hairs. My toes are still numb so I know the chemo has not left my system for good yet. It is on its way out though.
God is so good. Everything we have needed has been supplied and then some. There were so many kind mailings, cards, emails and phone calls the past few weeks. There were a couple of days last week when I seriously wondered how I was going to close the refrigerator door. Thanks to everyone and thanks also for all the prayers.
I also wanted to remind everyone to pray again for Brooke Estrada. She left yesterday for the Avon Walk coming up on June 27-28th. She and others participating with her are raising lots of money for breast cancer research. Please pray for a successful, injury-free event.
Lots of love,
Kerry
Healing rain is falling down inside (my spirit) and out (my physical scars). I am still recovering well from my surgery. The drain tubes are gone (yeah!) It feels like I have a huge jelly roll under my arms from the swelling, but there is no pain and I am able to get around well. I have been sleeping in the living room recliner for a week and a half to keep myself elevated and reduce pressure on the stitches. Bed? What's that? Needless to say I am looking forward to sleeping in one again soon.
I have a lopsided chest. The left side is flat. They injected fluid for the first time into the expander on the right side Monday, making it expand & beginning the reconstruction. The expander is actually located underneath the chest muscle and stretches both the muscle and the skin which made me sore for a couple of days. For a while there I vowed I was stopping at size AA. Randy hurt his back exercising that night and we were both hobbling around the house like a bent over old couple. Just looking at each other made us laugh but it also hurt! It was funny.
The little things like the soreness and swelling are really just irritating. Laura, Leslie and I are impatient for me to fully recover so we can get out more and enjoy the summer.
It looks like my hair will start coming back soon. I have a little fuzz on my head now, just a few baby hairs. My toes are still numb so I know the chemo has not left my system for good yet. It is on its way out though.
God is so good. Everything we have needed has been supplied and then some. There were so many kind mailings, cards, emails and phone calls the past few weeks. There were a couple of days last week when I seriously wondered how I was going to close the refrigerator door. Thanks to everyone and thanks also for all the prayers.
I also wanted to remind everyone to pray again for Brooke Estrada. She left yesterday for the Avon Walk coming up on June 27-28th. She and others participating with her are raising lots of money for breast cancer research. Please pray for a successful, injury-free event.
Lots of love,
Kerry
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Eager to be a "Thriver" As Well As a "Survivor"
It has been a week today since my surgery and I continue to recover well. I started out with 5 tubes after surgery and am down to one drainage tube. I am hoping to have that out tomorrow. I got dressed by myself today which was an accomplishment! I also got out of the house for a couple hours with Shannon for lunch and a couple short errands which was a treat.
I have some good news! My pathology report came back and there is NO SIGN OF THE CANCER! It's gone! Caput! Outta here!! Isn't that fantastic?! It boggles my mind how the doctors knew exactly what drug combination to use to so successfully KO the cancer. That these very drugs are out there, the fact that they exist, that they were work together so well shows yet again how miracles in nature always point back to our Omnipotent Creator. Round 2 is won!! Yeah!! Praise God!!
I don't know yet if the doctor had to remove any of the chest wall or how many lymph nodes she took during the surgery. She told my family that the surgery was a little tricky. She had to take out several damaged lymph nodes up against the blood vessals. I hope to know more details when I see her again.
Laura and Leslie are coming home on Saturday. So far my sister Mitzi & brother-in-law John have courageously survived having 6 kids at their house for over a week. Laura told me the other night "Mommy, we all went out last night and caught fireflies. It was so much fun." I was about to say "Awww how sweet..." when she added, "And then we fed them to Stephen's Venus Fly Trap plant." I just had to laugh. I understand there is also a toothfairy (Heather and Joe in disquise) sending notes to Leslie. The toothfairy is not even requiring lost teeth in VA!
I was asked last week by Laura and Leslie if I believed Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were real. I was honest and explained that I thought they were make believe. My girls politely informed me I was wrong because the toothfairy (about a year ago) had written a note saying she'd seen Tinkerbell in Fairyland and if the toothfairy says so, it MUST be true. (Guess I've dug myself in pretty deep). Hopefully this "toothfairy" in VA can help dig me out! ;)
I really enjoyed reading the comments on the last post about the other adventures Laura and Leslie have been having with all our dear friends in VA. Thank you all so much for adopting the girls for the week. It has meant so much to me and Randy to know they can enjoy the summer not having to deal with things like "surgery" or "cancer."
Yesterday I saw an interview with Olivia Newton John who is a breast cancer survivor. She calls herself not just a survivor but a "Thriver." Survivor has such wonderful conotations...you've made it...you've beat the cancer. It also, she said, gives you the mental picture of someone still holding on to dear life or someone with their head just above the water. She proudly explained after 16 years cancer free she felt like a Thriver, with a very full life.
Psalm 1:1-3 says "Happy is the man who does not go in the company of sinners, or take his place in the way of evil-doers, or in the seat of those who do not give honour to the Lord. But whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and whose mind is on his law day and night. He will be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, which gives its fruit at the right time, whose leaves will ever be green; and he will do well in all his undertakings."
I want to be like the thriving tree in that verse. I am definately a Survivor. I have beat the cancer. There are days when my head feels just above the water. On the other hand, I have such a wonderful life. I know there are good times ahead. Guess that makes me a "Thriving Survivor" or a "Surviving Thriver?" I don't know which but I'm on my way to being a Thriver. That's what counts. Hope you are Thrivers too.
Lots of love to all,
Kerry
I have some good news! My pathology report came back and there is NO SIGN OF THE CANCER! It's gone! Caput! Outta here!! Isn't that fantastic?! It boggles my mind how the doctors knew exactly what drug combination to use to so successfully KO the cancer. That these very drugs are out there, the fact that they exist, that they were work together so well shows yet again how miracles in nature always point back to our Omnipotent Creator. Round 2 is won!! Yeah!! Praise God!!
I don't know yet if the doctor had to remove any of the chest wall or how many lymph nodes she took during the surgery. She told my family that the surgery was a little tricky. She had to take out several damaged lymph nodes up against the blood vessals. I hope to know more details when I see her again.
Laura and Leslie are coming home on Saturday. So far my sister Mitzi & brother-in-law John have courageously survived having 6 kids at their house for over a week. Laura told me the other night "Mommy, we all went out last night and caught fireflies. It was so much fun." I was about to say "Awww how sweet..." when she added, "And then we fed them to Stephen's Venus Fly Trap plant." I just had to laugh. I understand there is also a toothfairy (Heather and Joe in disquise) sending notes to Leslie. The toothfairy is not even requiring lost teeth in VA!
I was asked last week by Laura and Leslie if I believed Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were real. I was honest and explained that I thought they were make believe. My girls politely informed me I was wrong because the toothfairy (about a year ago) had written a note saying she'd seen Tinkerbell in Fairyland and if the toothfairy says so, it MUST be true. (Guess I've dug myself in pretty deep). Hopefully this "toothfairy" in VA can help dig me out! ;)
I really enjoyed reading the comments on the last post about the other adventures Laura and Leslie have been having with all our dear friends in VA. Thank you all so much for adopting the girls for the week. It has meant so much to me and Randy to know they can enjoy the summer not having to deal with things like "surgery" or "cancer."
Yesterday I saw an interview with Olivia Newton John who is a breast cancer survivor. She calls herself not just a survivor but a "Thriver." Survivor has such wonderful conotations...you've made it...you've beat the cancer. It also, she said, gives you the mental picture of someone still holding on to dear life or someone with their head just above the water. She proudly explained after 16 years cancer free she felt like a Thriver, with a very full life.
Psalm 1:1-3 says "Happy is the man who does not go in the company of sinners, or take his place in the way of evil-doers, or in the seat of those who do not give honour to the Lord. But whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and whose mind is on his law day and night. He will be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, which gives its fruit at the right time, whose leaves will ever be green; and he will do well in all his undertakings."
I want to be like the thriving tree in that verse. I am definately a Survivor. I have beat the cancer. There are days when my head feels just above the water. On the other hand, I have such a wonderful life. I know there are good times ahead. Guess that makes me a "Thriving Survivor" or a "Surviving Thriver?" I don't know which but I'm on my way to being a Thriver. That's what counts. Hope you are Thrivers too.
Lots of love to all,
Kerry
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Back Home!
Dear friends and family,
I am back home! The surgery went really well. I was afraid I would be scared or lonely when it came time for the surgery to start but I wasn't. The truth is I barely remember that part at all. They started the anesthesia when I still had family around me.
I have two tubes sticking out of me that must be drained every few hours and a pain pump that hangs around my neck. I am sore and stiff but that is all. The scars are a little tough to take, but I know they are temporary and I feel at peace with my decision. Every day I feel better. I am so pleased to have made it downstairs to the computer by myself. That is my accomplishment for the day!
I am spending most of my time hanging out in the recliner watching TV while my wonderful husband waits on me hand and foot. (Sigh, it's a hard life). He is so wonderful. You all have been so wonderful. God is so good.
Laura and Leslie are up in VA with my sister Mitzi. Randy and I miss them but we know they are having a great time.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. Lots of love,
Kerry
I am back home! The surgery went really well. I was afraid I would be scared or lonely when it came time for the surgery to start but I wasn't. The truth is I barely remember that part at all. They started the anesthesia when I still had family around me.
I have two tubes sticking out of me that must be drained every few hours and a pain pump that hangs around my neck. I am sore and stiff but that is all. The scars are a little tough to take, but I know they are temporary and I feel at peace with my decision. Every day I feel better. I am so pleased to have made it downstairs to the computer by myself. That is my accomplishment for the day!
I am spending most of my time hanging out in the recliner watching TV while my wonderful husband waits on me hand and foot. (Sigh, it's a hard life). He is so wonderful. You all have been so wonderful. God is so good.
Laura and Leslie are up in VA with my sister Mitzi. Randy and I miss them but we know they are having a great time.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. Lots of love,
Kerry
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