Captivated by Amazing Love

Dear prayer warriors,

Your prayers are working! Thus far my second round of chemo side effects have actually been a little better than the first. The doctor has prescribed me Nexium for the heartburn and it has helped tremendously. I still have the aches and pains all over from the Neulasta shot and some fatigue, but I was able to enjoy this weekend with my family. What a praise is that!

This weekend I also did quite a bit of thinking about the great irony of breast cancer. What do I mean by that? I mean how the disease itself and even the treatment of it strikes women to the core of something we value so highly (in other words)our beauty.

For example, the first two things I was told I would loose in this fight against the cancer was at least one breast and my hair. Yes the hair loss is temporary and yes I can be reconstructed but the truth of it is these are two areas in which a lot of women place their self confidence and define their beauty. Just think about it a minute. How much money do we spend on our hair...on our bras? How often do we compare ourselves to other women, wondering if we truly are "beautiful." I was guilty of it just last week comparing myself to women in the plastic surgeon's office.

Fortunately for me (even though I've spent my fair share of money on beauty products)I know that my value is not defined by my outward beauty. Just last year I participated in a Bible study with my Pep Moms group on this very subject. I believe now it was another Godincidence preparing me for my diagnosis. At the time we studied a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. The authors talk about how God made women uniquely beautiful and wired us the way we are for relationship. The book says "A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved. Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore." The authors then go on to say that we look to feel beautiful and loved in many places(through our appearance, our peers, our spouses,etc) but the only one who can truly make us feel beautiful and loved to our core is God. They say "If you'll open your heart to the possiblity, you'll find that God has been wooing you ever since you were a little girl" into a relationship with Him. "The story of your life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most."

I may have a bald head, but I am supported by the love and encouragement of my dear family and friends. I WILL loose parts of myself that I once highly valued, but I KNOW that I am held in the arms of God's Amazing, AMAZING love. What could be more beautiful than that? I hope you realize He feels the same way about you too. Lots of love,

Kerry